it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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