Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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