dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
