Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
