yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
