dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
