Sry I called you an 8
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
