airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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