he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
