hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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