I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
