the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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