so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
