Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize