If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
