I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
