Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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