I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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