so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have already put on my inside pants.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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