she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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