Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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