drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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