Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
