I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
