Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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