So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
