I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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