sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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