People with herpes should wear stickers.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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