they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
