I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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