She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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