Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My cat gives me a boner
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
