Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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