I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Damn victory sex feels great
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
