dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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