Will you blow on my dice?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We had to coat check the pizza.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
