I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
