Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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