dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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