I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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