its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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