We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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