You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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