Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
