Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
