I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
