So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
