i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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