I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
