Already got asked if we're dating
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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