Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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