There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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