So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
