I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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