I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
