I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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