You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
