make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize