Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
