There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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