This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Semen is not good for contacts.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
